OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize