Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
