I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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