In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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