friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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