He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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