I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
