Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
