Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
