he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
