Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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