the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
