reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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