You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
