lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
