And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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