it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
