On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize