i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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