God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
