Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
