he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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