who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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