Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
