I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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