You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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