Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
