all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize