**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
