after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
