i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
