i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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