even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
