My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
