Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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