"it" just moved
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
