my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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