You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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