I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize