The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
