I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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