Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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