I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
