In the future we'll all be gay
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
