Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
