Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
