so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
