yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
