Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
