I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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