Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Be still, my beating vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
