apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize