this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
