The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
