You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
