we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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