we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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