Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
