Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
