Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize