some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
