Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
