the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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