Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
