I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
