meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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