You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
