i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
