Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
