My friends, they love my intelligence
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize