New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
tell me about the eggs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
