i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
