I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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